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Tuesday, November 20, 2001
posted by susi 10:37 PM 
I went to my 12 step meeting tonight... it's not for drinking or drugs... it's support for stopping smoking cigarettes. Most people find that kind of weird... but considering we are now finding out nicotine is one of the most addictive drugs there is it makes perfect sense to me.
I wouldn't have a hope in hell of stopping permanently without the people that go to this meeting. They are some of the most wonderfully accepting, non judgemental people i've ever met. And over the last couple of years they've helped me with a lot more than just stopping smoking.
I've still been feeling kinda down... and i can't stand it. I think about it from time to time and try to figure out what's up... why now? Hell i wasn't this down when i got diagnosed with cancer... actually i wasn't down at all that i can remember... well 'cept for the day or two i thought they were going to tell me i only had 3mos to live... that was kinda freaky.
Anyway... one of my friends at NA ... his 21 yr old son was diagnosed with cancer last year. After i explained how down i'd been feeling the last week or so he told me tonight how his son got through all the treatments... radiation/chemo... and everything else he had to go through to get better just fine. It wasn't until it was all over that his son got real down and just sat in front of his pc all day not doing much of anything. Hmmm now that started to remind me of someone else...*s*.
I don't know why it is i feel better knowing it could just be a normal reaction following everything that has happened this summer... but i do. I had thought about that possibly being the reason for why i was feeling like this... but there were so many other reasons that could have been responsible too. It hasn't exactly been a good year in many ways.
Well enough of this... i have to go to bed so i can get up and workout... so i can stop feeling so blaaaah...*grin*
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Nov 2001
My Family :)
Nov 2000
In the depth of winter, I finally learned
that there was
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an invincible summer.
----Albert Camus
